Friday, February 11, 2011

You have been chosen...

God chooses parents for specific reasons... God gave your daughter diabetes because you are able to cope... and so it goes on. How often do I have to hear this? I actually just heard it today for a friend who has a child with something other than diabetes, but it is still offensive and I still can’t believe people say it, and say it quite often.

I am not going to get into the “is there or isn’t there” a God thing... but frankly, if there is a God, I would hope he wouldn’t choose to give any child any disease or disability for any reason, whether the mother could cope or not. I would hope if there is a God that this is a mistake, not a plan on His behalf.

Every time I hear this I think back to my angels’ diagnosis. My darling angel (DA) and I spent 10 days in hospital (with 2 days in ICU), and during this time got to meet many mothers of children with a variety of different diseases, development issues and disabilities. There were a few that really stuck in my mind, and make me grateful for everything that I have and for those who have helped me to be who I am.

The most distressing was a little girl who was 1 day older than my DA. She also had diabetes, however had been diagnosed at 9 months and had been in hospital for 2 months. During that time, the hospital staff had been trying to train her parents in the management of her diabetes. It is definitely hard to manage the diabetes of a baby that young, as I found out trying to manage my DA’s diabetes at 11 months, however these parents had struggled and their daughter had not been released from hospital.

My first few days on the main ward, I had come across the mum on numerous occasions, and she kept a hugely detailed diabetes diary and encouraged me to do the same. (As an aside, this was great advice and something that I did do for the first 6 months or so... however it is very time consuming and I have let a lot of the detail slide of the last 7 or 8 months). She seemed to be quite positive and it made me concerned for how I would cope, seeing that her daughter was still in hospital. It wasn’t until I had been there a while, I realised that the mum had ups and downs, and when she and her partner had a huge screaming fight on the ward (and it appeared that he was high) that I realised why their daughter was still in hospital. Not long after that fight, the ward went into shutdown for days (with security everywhere), and we found out that their daughter had been taken into custody of the state.

Now, back to my initial point... just checking... God chose these parents on purpose? This mum was specifically chosen to have a baby with diabetes?

My heart still breaks when I think of this little girl, just a day older than mine. She had a number of brothers and sisters and I don’t know what happened to them.

What I believe is that sometimes things happen. It is no one’s fault. No one plans it. But for those of us with great support, for those of us who have a strong family base to turn to, for those of us who have been given or taken good opportunities in life, we cope and our children get stronger and hopefully thrive. We adapt and we do the best we can.

But please don’t insult us by saying that we have been chosen.

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